Gather Round The Table #1
My response to article ‘Board games are terrible - please don’t make me play them’
Happy New Year fellow gamers! After a much deserved break, Above Board is back and eagerly anticipating 2023’s new game releases bringing you reviews aplenty. My first review of 2023 was set to be Wonderland’s War but when I sat down to begin writing, I happened upon a troubling article causing quite the stir among the gaming community. This article popped up in a number of Facebook game board threads and as you’ve no doubt anticipated, the internet responded in its usual calm and well reasoned manner. That is to say, the article was absolutely thrashed! If you wish to check out the article you can do so here, though I suspect this may only aid the article as the title itself bore the stink of clickbait, so check it out, but do keep that in mind.
So, if you’ve just returned from reading the article or were already familiar with it, you’ll probably have some idea of the issue the gaming community took with the tone of this piece of ill-informed “journalism”. Normally, I just let the internet slide and get on with my day, but as I thought more about it, I couldn’t shake an unsettling feeling that this wasn’t just a man upset that he’d had a bad experience, or doesn’t happen to enjoy games, the majority of the article came across as nothing short of a vitriolic diatribe against not just board gaming, which in itself would have been fine, but against the community itself, suggesting that every individual who enjoys board games is stupid, childish, wrong-headed and somehow beneath him. But before I retort, let’s examine some of the valid points he happened to make, after which perhaps, he should have just stopped writing.
Valid Point 1
“The Guy Who is Good at Board Games then spends close to an hour explaining the rules.”
Okay, this I can understand. Being a newcomer to modern board gaming can be a bit hit and miss, and that first experience is likely to colour your perspective of the the hobby for quite some time. If the person responsible for explaining the game isn’t doing so clearly or concisely, it can result in said newcomers, and veteran players alike becoming, bored, frustrated, or, in the case of the article’s author, embarking on a frothing rampage against everyone who elicits joy from the hobby. The Guy Who is Good at Board Games is not necessarily good at teaching them, not to mention that title seems self-proclaimed, so perhaps that’s another red flag.
Valid Point 2
“The explanation is not nearly long enough, and as the game begins, you remain deeply confused by the arcane tasks required of you.”
While somewhat contradictory to his previous gripe, I also get where the writer is coming from. Sometimes, no matter how much you explain a game, it still lacks the proper depth to allow players to follow what’s going on. Again, this is a common issue in board gaming circles and is often the result of the teacher themselves getting overwhelmed and over-explaining simpler concepts while completing forgetting more pertinent information. Maybe he was unfamiliar with the game too or, more likely, he chose a game that was way over the head of newbies and as such, he should have picked something a bit more casual friendly to get the ball rolling. Since the author didn’t mention the game by name we could only guess as to what his experience was like, except for the fact he tells us in no uncertain terms over the course of several proceeding paragraphs.
Valid Point 3
“Getting my arse kicked by The Guy Who is Good at Board Games (who always takes things a bit too seriously)…”.
Again, I get this one, there’s nothing quite so obnoxious as someone who invites his non-gamer friends around just to trounce them at his favourite game, likely while gleefully rubbing his hands like the moustache-twirling villain he is. It’s clear that the author came away from his evening deeply traumatised and looking for blood. So, The Guy Who is Good at Board Games, thanks very much for creating this monster and then setting him loose upon the community.
I tried to find more validity in the article in question, but the more I read and reread, the more it became obvious that this individual had an axe to grind and the points I covered above quickly faded into the background, drowned out by a series of toxic and in some instances, quite troubling statements. If he’d stuck to his title premise of “Board games are terrible” and provided specific, well reasoned examples as to why, the article could have resulted in some lively, yet good natured debate. However, any goodwill he’d managed to build in his opening paragraphs was quickly thrown under a bus driven by a man who had just lost a board game about bus driving.
While there were was no shortage of problematic statements in the article, the following examples were, to my mind, indicative of much deeper issues. In my previous background in rehabilitation, I worked with people who were often consumed by anger, sometimes as a result of troubling pasts, traumatic events or head injuries which left them unable to properly rationalise and therefore respond reasonably to challenging situations. I’m not sure what underlying issues plagued our subject here, but its difficult to come away from these statements without feeling unsettled.
Problematic Statement 1
“I bear no grudge toward the board game enjoyers.”
Yeah, well, except ya’ do! A fact you make very clear in the remainder of the article. Perhaps he wrote this phrase with the best of intentions but as the article and his resultant ranting gradually got away from him he forgot his original intent and ended up spouting off whatever disingenuous rambling came to mind. Or perhaps, as the cracks in the article suggest, he sees himself as an elevated individual who looks down of those he feels are beneath him with cruel disregard and regurgitates phrases like this to make himself feel smugly superior?
Problematic Statement 2
“Some of my best friends have been swept up in this craze.”
Some of my best friends…. Yep, he actually said that. I almost didn’t include this one as it was such low hanging fruit, how often do we hear people start a sentence with “some of my best friends are black” or “some of my best friends are gay” then proceed to say something hurtful about said group. People who are severely lacking any sense of self-awareness or irony say things like this because they believe it gives them a free pass to speak out against the very people they claim to have befriended. All too often these statements are spoken from a position of ignorance and this was no different. I can assure you, if any of his supposed “friends” read this, they may have a different opinion of their relationship.
Problematic Statement 3
“Must social gatherings be organised around activities designed to distract wayward children?”
Here’s where we start getting to the crux of the issue. The author apparently views board games as children’s playthings, something frivolous and unimportant to be looked down upon, scoffed at or dismissed because they don’t conform to his misguided image of adulthood. Forget that people play these games at all ages across all social classes, backgrounds and systems of belief, Forget that many use board games as a way to manage anxiety or depression, to connect with their friends and family, to strengthen the bonds with their kids and use them to educate and expand their minds. The elderly utilise games in therapy to stave off life-debilitating neurological degradation by engaging their minds in problem solving and spacial awareness puzzles. No, you see, according to this highly enlightened little man games are stupid and you’re dumb for liking them!
Problematic Statement 4
“The simple pleasure of a glass of wine with friends must be accompanied by something more wholesome and virtuous, a “productive” use of one’s brain.”
I get it, thinking is hard, especially when it you don’t do it often. What’s more, the author seems to take issue with people coming together to do something wholesome and virtuous. Can you imagine what kind of a world we’d live in if people did nice things and valued intellect? The horror! Drinking wine is a child’s idea of what being a grown up looks like. It doesn’t make you better than anyone else and from what I’ve seen, it certainly doesn’t make people more mature. This statement was an odd flex and one that suggests the real reason the author had a miserable time is because he wanted to get on the sauce while his friends wanted to play games. Perhaps he’d feel more at home at some kind of frat house party than around a table of gamers.
Problematic Statement 5
“More troubling is the way board games, with their childish tasks, goofy visuals, and compulsive need for “rules,” sit as another example of a culture that encourages us to remain giant babies forever.
For reasons too complex and inscrutable for this brief rant, adulthood has become overwhelmed by a culture of infantilisation. At some point in the last few years, grown men and women started being proud of doing and enjoying things once considered the domain of children.”
I saved the best for last! Not content with trivialising and insulting pretty much anyone who’s enjoyed a board game ever, this malcontent decided to double down on his contrarian views and begin a diatribe of just plain inaccurate and bafflingly hateful ranting. Following the gradual decline of this article from the initial “I bear no grudge toward the board game enjoyers.” to this, I can confidently say at this point that yes mate, you absolutely do bear a grudge against board game enjoyers, it’s plain for all to see. The irony of thinking oneself an adult while throwing a tantrum over people liking things you don’t like or can’t understand is the epitome of a spoiled, entitled brat. It’s okay not to like things. There are plenty of things I don’t like, for example, basically any sport. But I have been to a couple of rugby games in my life. I didn’t enjoy it much at all, but you know what I didn’t do? I didn’t commit a column on some local rag to insulting an entire community of people because of it. You know why? Because for all my childish idiosyncrasies, I am perfectly capable of displaying maturity. This author placed himself above every gamer, not just those who invited him to their game night. What’s more, I’m sure they invited him out of a genuine desire to include him and share their love of the hobby with him. I wonder if he gave any consideration at all to how they’d feel when they read his mean spirited words? No, I don’t think he did, that would require a level of self-reflection that eludes him. If he’d left it at just disliking the hobby, then I would have been happy to turn a bind eye. But he attacked an entire community and I don’t tolerate bullies.
Final Thoughts
I’m embarrassed to admit, it took me too long to understand what the purpose behind this article was, it came to me when I reread this sentence, “board games are here to stay – the industry is worth up to A$13 billion (NZ$14b) globally and growing.” And there it is, this article, as I indicated in the beginning wasn’t written as a clever opinion piece or an attempt to expose something only this genius could see, no, the article is far too inaccurate and poorly researched for that. When you consider the disrespectful tone, the hateful insults, the broad sweeping statements whose sole intent is to cause offence or irritation to those who read it, it becomes clear. This multibillion dollar industry has a lot of very passionate and engaged followers, and if they put a controversial enough title, say by beginning it with “Board games are terrible…” then you’ll have successfully created a tempting enough clickbait to fund their website for another day. I can think of no other viable reason this article was written. It’s a shame that the world is filled with such guttertrash journalism, but sadly it’s a sign of the times.
Thankfully we do have an escape! Just turn to those shelves next to you, select your favourite game, invite over a few friends, or maybe play something solo. Do whatever uplifts you, because at the end of the day, haters will hate, but games don’t judge, and, despite the cynicism the article in question revelled in, it’s a pastime that gives so much to so many, and asks for little in return. Happy gaming all and I look forward to bringing you more reviews very soon!
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